


Out of order

by GalaxyMuse



Category: Saint Seiya
Genre: Dysphoria, Self Harm, Transgender, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 18:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16918164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyMuse/pseuds/GalaxyMuse
Summary: Before the infamous Steel Saints took on their small but crucial role among Athena's army, they were students. Bright beacons of the future studying at the prestigious Shiragiku Academy for the sciences. The three boys promised each other at the end of the coed middle school program that they would stick together till the end of the program no matter what-even if it means hacking the system so that trio member Sho could continue with them to the all-male high school portion of the program. Now safely starting their first semester together, Sho endures a monthly struggle that threatens his peace of mind and his identity. Fortunately, he doesn't have to go through it alone.TRIGGER WARNING: Gender dysphoria takes place in this story. Please proceed with caution if you find such material distressing for your personal health. I'll give you a spoiler if it helps: the story has a happy ending. This includes the implication of vomiting and self harm.





	Out of order

**Author's Note:**

> This fic calls in line with headcanons I share with knightlywordsmith about the Steel Saints. The three of them met in middle school as particularly bright minds in the school's STEM magnet program. Sho is a trans man, and while Ushio and Daichi accept his identity he isn't ready/able to come out or transition. To ensure the trio would stay together in the high school program that would be split by gender, Ushio and Daichi hacked the school registry to register him as male. Sho would present as male through his high school career. When Dr. Asamori was working on the steel cloths, he approached the academy to strike up a contest for the senior clas. They were tasked with completing the design for three wearable combat suits known as Projects SKY, MARINE and LAND. The three's proposals won the contest, and they inadvertently signed up to become the steel saints. Once recruited, he was able to transition and keep in maintenance.

Daichi delicately tipped his head back, a pencil perched precariously on his nose. "I think I got it this time," he said in a hushed voice, worried that speaking any louder would cause the pencil to tip. 

Ushio had other priorities, however. Donning his borrowed R2-D2 headphones (from Daichi himself) and flicking a stick of pocky between his teeth, he was focused on his thermodynamics homework. A particularly head-scratching problem presented itself in front of him, and his notebook was covered in eraser marks and shavings. 

"What'd you get for twelve in thermo?" he asked loudly over the sound of his music. 

A yelp and a thud made him raise an eyebrow and remove the headphones. He blinked at the pile of clothes and books beside him. "New studying spot?" he asked, flicking the pocky stick again before shortening it with a bite.

His best friend popped his head out from under a sweater, irked and unimpressed with the joke. "I almost had it!!" he complained, wriggling out of the smelly laundry pile. "and when was the last time you two did laundry?"

Ushio raised his eyes to ceiling in thought. "When did the semester start?"

The question he got back unnerved him. "A month ago."

The pocky stick shortened with another bite. "Three weeks ago then," Ushio answered, turning back to problem twelve.

Daichi wasn't sure whether to scold him or weep. Concluding that neither would change anything, he gathered up the clothes and put them atop the overflowing laundry basket. "We're doing it this Sunday," he announced. Syncing their laundry time up with his would hopefully help keep him from falling back into smelly, sweaty landmines.

"Yeah fine," Ushio mumbled. Scratching his head and taking in a sharp breath, he looked up from the pages of his books, his patience with himself almost lost thanks to this assignment. "So thermo. Problem twelve. You done it?" he gnawed hastily away at the pocky while he waited for an answer.

Dusting his hands off, Daichi went to Ushio’s side. "Yeah, but I'm not sure if it's right. Sho would probably know, he's been kicking butt in that class."

"Hey Sho, you-" Ushio paused when he realized their third musketeer wasn't in the room. 

"Lemme check my room," Daichi said, heading out of the dorm room. Seconds later he returned alone. "Nope, not there either."

"Did he go with you to the dining hall?" Ushio asked.

"Yeah, and then we came back here. A few minutes ago he said he had to go to the bath-" Daichi's voice faded before he could finish. 

They looked to each other. A flash of alarm crossed their eyes.

"What day is it?" Ushio asked as calmly as he could, pushing the books aside and scrambling for his school calendar.

"The twenty first," Daichi answered, now fearing the worst. "Did Code Red start?"

Ushio found the calendar and yanked it from the hook it was hanging on. Looking down at the current date, both of their stomachs sank as the day before was circled with a fat red marker. 

"Yesterday," Ushio belatedly answered, quickly rising and shoving his books under his bed. In its place he pulled out two boxes. One had game consoles in them, with three controllers for each. The other was labeled only with a sticky note with the nautical flag for medical aid needed drawn on it. This box held different items: a set of clean bedsheets, ibuprofen, a large hoodie and sweatpants, a sports bra, clean boxer briefs and tampons. The tampons had things like phallic shapes, sharks, cars and bombs scribbled on their packaging.   
"Grab the TV from your room," Ushio asked of Daichi as he pulled the sheets and clothes from the second box. 

"I'll bring my mom's care package too," suggested Daichi while he headed out. "She packed extra chocolate cookies this time!" he added from across the hall.

The floor now clear of clothes and papers, Ushio climbed the ladder to peer at his roommate's bed. A few browning red splotches were on the mattress sheet. 

"Did your mom give you advice about the bloodstains yet?" he asked when he heard Daichi return, pulling the sheets off.

"Yeah," he grunted, straining to bring the small but heavy cathode TV inside. A small cardboard box was balanced on top of it. With Ushio's help they managed to prop it on one of the desk chairs. Taking a moment to catch his breath, Daichi pulled a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and a blue washcloth from the box. "I told her you got nosebleeds. She said this and water would clear it up. She sent me steps on how to do it."

"We'll work on it Sunday," he said, getting a nod from Daichi. 

Together they replaced the stained sheet with the clean one, replacing the pillowcase and regular bedsheets in the process. 

"You think you got plugging the TV in?" Ushio asked, his fervent foot tapping betraying his anxiety. 

"Yeah. Go. The extension cords are the game box too right?" Daichi asked.

"Right," Ushio said, taking the fresh clothes and digging around the box for one more item. Finding it, he pulled out an official looking sign that read OUT OF ORDER and sprang out of the dorm room.

He rushed to the communal bathroom and stepped inside. No showers were running, much to his relief. He then moved to the bathroom stalls and noticed two of them closed: one around the middle of the row, and the other close to the wall. He knelt down to check the feet of the one in the middle of the hall. Whoever was in there sat normally on the toilet, pants down to his ankles. 

He then moved to check the one by the wall. Whoever was in there appeared to be slumped over the toilet. It was the middle stall he'd have to empty out. 

He began to feign an illness, groaning and stumbling around the bathroom. He pulled out his phone and looked for his sound effects app. Finding it, he burst into the stall next to the middle occupant and sat down on the toilet. He then began to play sounds of farts and bowel movements. Eventually he could see the feet beside him squirm. Finally, whoever was in there had enough. 

Making a retching sound as he pulled up his pants, the student opened his stall and headed to wash his hands. Ushio peered through a crack in his stall door as he saw the student with a porn mag tucked under his arm. He then watched the student shove the magazine under his shirt and hurry out of the bathroom. When Ushio heard the door close, he left his stall and hung the sign outside the bathroom door. 

He carefully headed for the stall by the wall. Giving it a gentle three knocks, he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Sho. It's me."

The slumping body sluggishly shifted, and Ushio heard the lock to the door slide undone. He opened the door with a slow creak. 

Sho lay inside, with traces of vomit on his chin and tear treks down his cheeks. His eyes were half closed, glassy, and staring off at a point past Ushio's shoulder. 

"Hey," Ushio greeted gently, stepping over Sho's legs to crouch beside him in the stall. 

There was no answer. The half-dead eyes just followed him to where he now sat. 

"Let's clean you up a little bit, huh?" he asked, reaching to the roll of toilet paper by his side. Pulling off several squares and folding them up, he handed them to Sho to wipe the vomit and tears off of his face.

The toilet now flushed, Sho rolled his head to the opposite wall. 

"I know," said Ushio carefully, rubbing his hand on Sho's back to comfort him through this monthly hell.

Sho's shoulders spasmed as he held back more tears. Sniffling, he sat up and turned his body to face Ushio. His face was wrought in pain, his teeth gritting in anguish. "I hate-" he cut himself off as a wave of stress coursed through him. He suddenly pressed the heels of his palms to his ears, unable to handle the sound of his natural, higher-pitched voice. "I-I can't breathe right," he managed to eke out in a whisper, his breaths short and rapid. "I can't-"

Ushio shushed him. "Sho, look at me." he said calmly as he could, hiding his own worries about his friend. When Sho met his eyes, Ushio began to gesture with his hands, pushing up and down. "Catch yourself, man. Breathe in, hold it, breathe out," he instructed softly.  
Sho struggled, but eventually managed to follow the motions. Hands still pressed to his ears, he got his breathing under control. He squeezed his eyes shut again, lip trembling as he shook his head. "Why?" he strained to ask, the sound of his voice echoing in his head like nails against a chalkboard. 

"I don't know," Ushio replied, the answer just as painful as it was to watch his other best friend suffer. Putting his hands on Sho's shoulders, he lowered his head to try and meet Sho's lowered eyes. "But what I do know, is that Daichi's firing up the Super Famicom back in our room. Does that sound good to you?"

He nodded. A distraction. It was depressing to admit he needed them, but Sho was grateful nonetheless. Wiping away his tears, he shifted over to sit beside Ushio. He leaned his head on his shoulder and kept focused on his breathing, and floating back from the tailspin his mind had fallen into. 

Ushio stretched his arm over Sho's head and gave him an affirming pat on the shoulder. "There we go. You're okay." 

A few minutes of comforting later, Sho spoke again. "Can we play Secret of Mana?" he asked slowly and softly, still stuck in his higher voice.

"Sure."

"I like being the guy. No magic, but his crazy hair makes up for it."

Ushio smirked. "Works for me. Who's going to be the sprite?"

The two looked at each other, giggles bubbling between them at the obvious answer. 

Soon after, they heard a soft creak from the door into the bathroom, causing Sho to tense up. Ushio arched his neck outside the open door and listened.

"Who shot first?" Daichi's familiar voice called from the entrance. 

It was their secret status check protocol. "Han," the other two replied in unison, much to their relief. 

Daichi followed the reply to its source and stood at the entrance to the stall. "Hey," he said with as big a grin as he could make. Getting at least a faint smile back from Sho, Daichi optimistically sat down cross-legged with a bag of cookies by his side. "You hungry?"

Sho nodded and eagerly took a cookie offered to him. He sank his teeth into it and let out a satisfied hum. Daichi had heated them up in the microwave before coming in. His toes curled as the chocolate chips danced on his tongue and melted into sweet puddles. He concentrated more on their sweetness and less on the razor sharp words that cut into his mind and the nausea in his whole being.

"Have you changed yet, buddy?" Daichi asked. It was clear that he was still in his school uniform, but he wasn't referring to his top clothes.

Sho bit his lip and shook his head. "I don't want to." he stubbornly mumbled.

Ushio was having none of it. "You know you have to," he pressed gently.

Sho huffed. "I don't care," he pouted, crossing his arms.

Daichi put his hands on his hips. "Sho, dude, it's not worth it."

Sho looked away in protest.

"It's not," Daichi stressed again.

They were right, and he knew they were. Still, he hated taking off his binder. If he kept it on any longer though, it could hurt him. With a surrendering sigh, he pulled off his shirt. He froze as he looked down at his chest. "I don't wanna look at them," he murmured. "And you know I suck at reaching for the back."

"Close your eyes and I'll help." Ushio offered, "Trust me, we hate them as much as you do."

Daichi spun on his rear towards the doorway. "I'll keep watch for anyone coming in," he said, an excuse to give them privacy. With that, he stood up and headed for the entrance to check on unwanted visitors.

Sho nodded and sat himself in front of Ushio. Taking off his shirt had revealed a tight black top underneath that pressed Sho's chest closer to himself. Pulling the tight binder from the bottom up towards his chest, he then crossed his arms to pull it farther up with more effort. Wiggling as it was about halfway up, he nudged Ushio who helped push the back of the binder within Sho's reach. 

"Are we all clear?" Sho asked quietly. 

Daichi stuck his hand back into view with a thumb up. "Go for it!"

Sho squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the back of the binder with all his might, and in one swift motion it was off. Still keeping his eyes closed, he reached behind him for the bra. 

When Ushio placed it in his hand, he hurriedly put it on. Once the swap was complete, Sho let out a sigh of relief and spun around to face Ushio. "Thanks guys," he said with a more sincere smile. "You can come back now, Daichi."

Ushio took note of the red lines that peeked out from under the bra, which ran closely together and resembled scratchmarks. "You've been at it again." Ushio prodded.

Sho looked down to the deep scratches on his chest and shook his head. "They're old."

Ushio narrowed his eyes at the obvious bluff, but for now at least they weren't bleeding. He'd have to accept that as enough.   
\---  
Back in their room, the three students were rotating turns on the controller. A futuristic race car zoomed across the track at the will of Ushio and the buttons he pressed, while Sho enjoyed cookies with a manga in hand. 

Feeling more himself in the baggy red and white hoodie and sweatpants, his voice had returned to normal. His concerns, however, hadn't. "Hey guys?"

Ushio paused the game and Daichi looked up from his calculus book.

"You think this was a bad idea?" he asked timidly.

"Letting Ushio go first? Probably, he'll mess up the campaign," Daichi teased, although both of them knew what Sho was referring to.

Ushio reached for another stick of pocky. “It’s not a bother to us, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he reassured.

Sho looked away in embarrassment. “You guys could all be expelled for changing the records just for my sake. What if they find out and-”

“I’m gonna stop you there. For one thing they’re not gonna find out. I promise,” Daichi said, sliding off Mt. Laundry to sit beside him. “We hid our tracks pretty well that night. They’d have to be a bunch of pro hackers to find out what we did,” he boasted.

“Plus,” Ushio said, turning towards them. “Daichi would have killed me if we roomed together again.”

Sho giggled, letting out a small sigh afterwards. “I’m sorry for all the trouble with-”

“No,” his friends said together.

Sho blinked in surprise. “No what?” 

Ushio let out a soft huff. “New roomie rule: you’re not allowed to apologize for anything related to that week, us covering for you, or anything of that sort,” Ushio declared, crossing his arms for good measure. 

“God knows that’s scary,” Daichi admitted, shuddering at the very thought of menstruation, “but it’s no big deal to us at all, really! We promised we’d get through school together, right?”

Sho felt his lip tremble again, but this time out of gratitude. “No matter what,” he grinned, wiping the forming tears from the corners of his eyes. “You guys wanna start Secret of Mana now? I’m at a good stopping point in this volume,” he said, holding up his manga. 

“Yeah, just gotta pick your brain about thermo if you don’t mind,” Ushio said, flipping off the console and looking for his books. 

“Sure thing!” He chirped, standing up to head to Ushio’s desk. His cramps had other plans however, and he quickly curled up in his previous sitting spot. “Mind bringing the book here? And bringing the electric blanket with you?” he grunted. 

Complying, Sho pressed the warm blanket below his stomach and looked over the problem. “Oh that’s easy, it’s 37 Kelvin.” After solving what took Ushio and Daichi an hour to incorrectly guess in ten minutes, Sho looked up from his notebook at their dumbfounded faces. 

“Man, I guess my being here is good in more ways than one. You guys would have totally screwed yourselves over in this class without me!” he laughed, popping open a bag of shrimp chips. “That it? Great! Let’s get going then, those Mana seeds aren’t gonna save themselves!”

Ushio and Daichi looked to each other with a knowing smile, grateful that their friend was back.


End file.
